The Nardio Review
Is The Girl and The Robot Worth Your Time?
What Should You Play it On?
How it Plays and Why it fails:
The Girl and The Robot is just hollow, boring, lifeless and disappointing. This was a huge let down and waste of time and money.
I wanted to like this game.
The Girl and The Robot looked really interesting when it first launched so I immediately bought it. (Kudos to whomever made the gameplay trailer for the game. Ya got me!) Then it waited in my Steam backlog for just the right time. When I finally did start digging into it I was disappointed to find it was kinda ugly and very boring. Not in the bad art choices kind of way, but as in this looks like a rush budget game that was made 15 years ago sorta way. The world has a weird haze everywhere that just makes the place look dull. Sort of like playing an old school game on an HD screen. It just looks wrong. For a new game that just recently came out on Steam this really felt wrong. Now I’ve tried this game on several different computers and monitors and it’s just the game. At first I wanted to think it was intentionally made to look this way, but the more I played through the game the more The Girl and The Robot felt lazy. Shadows are broken, the edges are rough. This is just an ugly game.
To make matters worse the gameplay is bland and bad. Controlling the girl is alright, but there isn’t enough to do with her. Occasional you hit or stand on a switch. Sometimes you need to run from an enemy robot, but her gameplay is shallow and uninspired. Lots of games have done the two partners and one is kinda useless thing before, but this is totally phoned in. The Robot moves horribly and fights even worse. I love how the Steam page made this sound more impressive than it actually was:
“Advanced gameplay mechanics that enables you to switch between two characters in order to solve puzzles, defeat enemies and navigate in the world. ”
I took a lot of breaks with this game early on because it just felt lifeless and boring. The world you explore is almost totally empty. The world looks bad and the music is boring. It’s a dull experience that I couldn’t get into early on. Hell, I couldn’t force myself to do it, it was so bad. New Years eve came around and we decided to spend the day eating good food and clearing out our Steam backlogs for some reviews. I decided to knock out The Girl and The Robot…. That was a mistake.
Just as the clock struck midnight to signal the new year I finished this disappointing game and what a letdown. This was a mess. First and foremost, you need to know this game is not complete. There is no ending, it just ends on a huge cliffhanger after a frustrating and buggy boss fight. Then credits.
Fucking really? It doesn’t say Act 1. in the start screen, but there it is in the end screen. Hours of boring, bland and frustrating gameplay with almost zero story and bam, cliff hanger ending that may as well have said: Fuck you from the devs!
Happy New Year!
The Girl and The Robot was a waste of time.
After beating the game I immediately looked up the game to see what the heck was going on. It seems this disappointment was a successful Kickstarter project that was funded a few years ago. No where, no where that I’ve seen on the Kickstarter page do the devs mention this is going to be act based or episodic affair. They really didn’t say much of anything actually. It sort of compares itself to classic masterpieces that it shouldn’t dare to. The gameplay trailer shown is total horseshit, that shows combat abilities that never happens in game. Of course it’s marked alpha footage subject to change, so ha! Way to bullshit your backers jerks. /Slowclap
See this is why people stopped believing in video games on Kickstarter. Shit like this.
Combat was horrible and frustrating. For a while as I was enduring this mess, I tried to tell myself that maybe combat should be avoided. That it was meant to be avoided. Yet towards the end of the game it happens more and more often and it was frustrating. Then it really set it that then combat was just shit. Waist deep shit I needed to wade through… Even closer towards the end you are just thrown in small spaces with 9-10 enemies and good luck! It felt like forced punishing filler. The enemies showed up at such random times, it felt like padding to the game to me.
The robot’s attack movements are painfully slow. Your dodge dash ability is useless thanks its insanely short range and then being stunned after using it. When several enemies are attacking at once this is totally useless. Guess what? In most of the encounters you are up against several enemies at once! In tight spaces to! The block ability is also pretty hit or miss. The final insult is enemies explode when they die, usually in close proximity to you dealing even more cheap damage. This steaming pile of fail must not have ever been play tested.
Oddly there are barely any enemies through most of the early game and then it just throws them at you in waves randomly. The two “boss” fights in game were mostly action puzzles that required you to think through the situations. Both felt empty when kind of pointless when you finished them.
Several encounters were flat out buggy and broken and needed me to restart several times to get through. For example, one area has you walking on specific floor tiles to open a gate. If you do it wrong a ton of enemies come out and pretty much destroy you slowly. Since there is no quick restart option you just need to wait it out. The problem here was the first dozen or so times I tried this and KNOW I was doing the floor puzzle right the enemies just came out anyway and the door to leave was shut. I took several breaks at this point out of frustration and then randomly the last time the right gate opened and I was able to pass with no problem. /facepalm
The music was lazy and buggy as well. Music is what helps a world feel alive or at least relevant, but the Spartan soundtrack was so lackluster I can’t remember a single song. My first few attempts at the last boss were alongside crackling music that that only fixed it self when the encounter bugged out and my robot and little girl were locked out of the boss room. Thankfully closing out and restarting the game fixed things there.
The levels were just as barren, bleak, lifeless and boring as the music. I normally don’t care about art much in a game, but this was sloppy and annoying. It’s like the dev team just said screw it and slapped this on the Steam store for some quick cash. The shadows as I mentioned before randomly stick out of the walls. The castle and city are lifeless, but a weird empty sort of lifeless like the design team didn’t bother to fill the areas with things to make it all seem like it was once lived in. It felt like playing through an early rough Alpha of a game than a final world.
The worst part about this garbage fire known as The Girl and The Robot is just wasn’t fun. I only, only played this long to make sure I gave it an honest try and also because I paid $9.99 for this mess. I wanted to get my monies worth, but sadly it was just a waste of time and money. The play time also include a lot of sanity breaks and just me screwing around on the internet because the gameplay here was so boring and or frustrating. There are almost no environmental hazards in game. So playing as the girl is for the most part really boring except for one part of the game that demands that you swap back and fourth with the robot to see a semi invisible floor. You would think the character that can move easily would be challenged with actually platforming, but no, the dev phoned it in and practically forgot about The Girl and focused on The Robot. The Robot who controls poorly…
Sure, the game could be a bit tricky here and there, but it’s mostly because of horrible combat and level design. This mess has zero replay value and yet it ends with “Act. 1.” ????
It wasn’t until I got back to writing a scathing steam review and reading some of the reviews that the developer mentioned that he updated the Steam page after some complaints to mention this was act one of the story. Well that was after I paid for this mess. After scouring the page for it, yea he mentions it briefly. Another recent review seems to feel the same way I do and mentioned that the devs almost seem to want to trick people. After looking up this horrible game developer on twitter they do mention that there will be an act 2. And it will be another game…
@socialanimeguy Thank you for playing !! Act 2 is a new game.
— Flying Carpets Games (@FlyingCarpetsG) August 11, 2016
Because yea, these jerks think they deserve more money after this phoned in boring mess.
There is ZERO story here. All of this shit game’s excuse of a story is shown in 8 easily skipable paintings scattered throughout the world. 8 paintings with no explanation, story, or voice overs. Just 8 paintings showing the pictures of the past it seems. In a barren world, with boring music and lazy visuals you would think any competent game developer would at least have a strong story to pull you in. Sadly that is not the case. Flying Carpet Games really phoned this in. 8 paintings and a bonus painting is not a story. It is not enough. It’s insulting to the paying players.
Zero to work up to. Nothing to collect. Nothing cool to find. No cool places to get to. This is lazy.
Zero to come back to. There is zero replay in this game. The journey is super linear and boring. There wasn’t a single choice I made that seemingly mattered as I was ushered through this mess. Nothing to come back and find, no New Game+ to flesh things out and or challenge you.
Yet the devs think they deserve more money for a sequel instead of patching the heck out of this and finishing the campaign?
Really Flying Carpet Games?
I can go on and on, but I obviously don’t like and cannot recommend this game. The Girl and The Robot is a halfassed uncompleted mess that needs the developer to step up, polish and finish. As is right now it does not deserve to be on the Steam store. Really it should be pulled and reuploaded only when fixed and completed.
Agree? Disagree? Write your comments below
- Single player
- Controller Support
- Deletes quickly
- I can’t promote this mess.