The Nardio Review
Is Lovely Planet Arcade worth your time?
Not at all.
How it Plays and Why it Fails:
Lovely Planet Arcade is a slow, simple and frustrating experience that is not fun at all.
Lovely Planet Arcade has you going from room to room having either trying to get to the end or killing all of the enemies. Sounds fun right? Well its not. Not at all. Lovely Planet Arcade is a sort of FPS puzzle game that forces you to play the game exactly the way the designers want. So even if you could clear a room a different way, you can’t because you lose.
I’m gonna get a little salty here.
Because F you thats why.
It’s BORING and frustrating going from stage to stage figuring out how to clear it in the order the game deems acceptable. You will find yourself replaying rooms dozens of times trying to get it right. When I mean get it right I mean learn by dying over and over and over again.
Enemies and bombs are that give you no indication they are there until you are dead.
You will have to scour the claustrophobic levels over and over again to just to learn what is unfairly killing you before you can even make progress. When you do there is no sense of accomplishment, only relief that you are finished with that stupid room. The cutest part here is there is also a speed run element to the game! As boring, as Lovely Planet Arcade is I can’t believe the devs thought players would want to replay these already overly linear levels over and over again. News flash, this game has no replay.
Enemies are insanely simple but can randomly shoot you in a split second. Other times you have all the time in the world to shoot them. You can shoot quickly sometimes and slow others.
You know why.
Lovely Planet Arcade looks and plays like and old school flash game. The bad kind. The challenging, unfun, repetitive, simple and cheap kind that required you spend way to much time trying to figure areas out until you found yourself realizing you stopped having fun a half hour ago.
If you buy this I warn you that you will find yourself wondering several things:
1. Is this it?
2. Why do I have to shoot them in that order?
3. So there is no story here at all?
4. Did they add fog levels because they ran out of ideas?
5. Why am I still playing this.
No this isn’t worth the full asking price. No this isn’t worth the new release asking price. This is a linear experience with no replay and I dare say no soul. Every level feels lifeless and dull. Everything about Lovely Planet Arcade feels phoned in and flat.The graphics are boring, the enemies are boring, the sound effects are kinda cute but the music is mindbogglingly bad. After spending so much time blowing through the game and getting frustratingly stuck on random cheap levels I can’t remember having fun once. Besides anger and annoyance I can’t think of one positive emotion I had while playing this game….Wait there was relief. I had that after beating a few of the more annoying levels. I really, really had it when I decided to just give up on the game. And when I deleted it from my computer there was a huge sense of it. So yea.
I was given a review key for this game prior to release. I’ve beaten the first two acts and played through most of the third. I’ve since deleted it and have no inclination to ever reinstall it.
I’m not promoting this.
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